Choose You

Photo courtesy of Hues of Style

Photo courtesy of Hues of Style

"I feel bad for taking time for me," a friend of mine said during a  conversation about a new boo. "I just got out of a relationship and I'm not ready for a new one. I know he's upset, but I need to think about me. Is that wrong?"

Absolutely not. Taking care of Number One should be our top priority. But as women, are responsibility to care for others often outweighs our need to take care of self. We are the breadwinners. We are the lovers. We are the mommas. We are so many things to other people, but what are we to ourselves?  

During my conversation with my girlfriend, I recalled a bad relationship that nearly took the life out of me. After years and years of giving, I was drained.  My boyfriend at the time completely took advantage of my love and generosity. He stopped chipping in, he stopped helping out, and I got little love in return. I remember looking at myself in the mirror and seeing this tried shadow of a woman listless with dark circles under eyes. I said to myself "Girl, look at you. You have to stand up for you." A few minutes later I said to him "It's either you are me, and I'm choosing me." And with that I took my very first steps in rediscovering how to choose me. 

Ladies, choosing yourself is not selfish. I'll say it again, choosing yourself is not selfish. I strongly believe that the person you should care about the most is you, because if you're not taking care of you then how can you expect to take care of anyone else. How do you choose you? First, think about what you want and need. What's going to be the most beneficial for you? Cancel out the negativity. If there's a family member or a friend who always asks so much from you, but doesn't give anything in return, limit your time with this person. Reserve a day for your personal TLC whether it's a trip to the spa, settling in with a good book, or even binge watching your favorite show. If you're dating someone, make sure you're not making yourself too available for them and not leaving time for you.  For the busy mom, the dedicated girlfriend, or the workaholic, this isn't easy but you have to do it to preserve your sanity. Don't allow anyone to make you feel guilty about choosing you first. 

 

With love,

N